1) Arrive at store early-ish so as to obtain one of those monstrous race car shopping carts that will hold and kind of entertain both kids and aforementioned groceries.
2) Immediately head to the bakery to obtain free cookies, all the while being judged by the bakers for feeding the children cookies early in the morning. Little do they know, these children have been up for hours and have had a somewhat nutritious breakfast prior to the sugary cookie consumption that are not witnessing.
3) Referee cookie eating.
4) Pick out produce while negotiating with children who want to buy everything, and touch everything and well, taste everything.
5) Keep track of list and coupons.
6) At aisle 3, reassure children we will stop and see the lobster swimming in their super nasty tank at aisle 14.
7) Try to match list with coupons.
8) Remove items from cart the boys think they "need".
9) Let boys out of cart because they are bored, and now threatening spankings if they do not quit wrestling, running, etc up and down the aisles.
10) Put boys back in the cart and referee the fighting.
11) Child #1 hits child #2 with box of crackers on the head, child #2 picks up a can of mushrooms and whacks child #1 on the head in retaliation.....drama ensues.
12) Carry the wailing child while pushing the monstrous cart, thinking well at least I am getting a workout in, right?
13) Give up on the remainder of the coupons, figure out what I have to have this week and proceed with shopping.
14) Check out...while the checker continues to tell me how cute my kids are. Really, did she not here the chaos that was the last hour with these two?
Mother’s Day Gifts and Recipes
2 days ago
